Day

I have not seen myself in a week. Not any part of me. Apart from the fact that I have no mirror, it is too frigid to expose any part of my skin, even in my tent or sleeping bag, even for a second. There is only one function I cannot avoid that will be an exception, but I am otherwise fully layered. I never imagined I would ever be so unhygenic, but there is no question about it for me: I am staying covered and clothed for the duration.

During the day we eat freeze-dried food with hot (or at least warm) water to give it back some of it´s life. For dinner, in addition to seal, we have had reindeer, beef and salmon, along with a snack of ram or pringles, both of which I pass over. Breakfast is porridge and toast.

The weather changes quickly, which can be dangerous, as once again, on our way back to camp from an eight-hour day on the snowmobiles, whiteout. The fear is back with a vengeance too. I know Audun cannot see anything either, and I only hope he can see his GPS, because it is the only way we will find our way back. We are driving too fast I think. I am unbearably cold from the snow and searing wind. The snowmobile tosses, bangs against hard, uneven ice, slides and tips and shakes me, yet for some reason I also am afraid that I am falling asleep. I feel danger and anger until we finally reach our tents. I can only now think about the night.

The weather changes quickly, which can be miraculous. It is not until the last day when we are leaving that I see for the first time where our camp is situated...beween mountains and on the crest above us we can see forever and it is beautiful. In fact the sun on the top is overheating me and burning my skin when I remove my helmet. But it is glorious. We also found clear weather for periods of time during two of our days in the arctic wilderness. What we saw was Heaven made and it was magnificent. Blue fjords, glacier ice, those strange formations of ice in the middle of the frozen sea that glisten and sparkle in the sun that so mystify me. A seal with a face like a racoon lay on her side, pregnant and waiting to deliver puppies within days, watches us. We can see she wonders whether she will have to escape in the hole in the ice she has clawed out of looking to make a small snow cave to hide her pups from birds of prey and polar bears.

But no polar bears. We search for many hours every day but there have been no sitings of bear in many weeks. There are theories but no one knows exactly why they are so scarce here or where they have gone, but they can travel great distances smelling their way to their favorite food, seal puppies. I am resigned. It is strange, Audun says, that he cannot even find bear tracks. I know that it is the ice and snowy mountains that I will have to rely on to rationalize the struggle. I have not taken many pictures. The weather has not permitted for the most part. The incessant search for the elusive creature means we are racing past the opportunities otherwise.